things messing with me

Doesn't this song get you? Tears every time. This song has been following me these past few months. I was telling someone the other day.....I feel like God has stirred up a tornado in me & I don't know what to do with it. I have been having trouble sleeping at night and crying at the drop of a hat.

It all started with my sweet Chinese Christmas house guests. I got to be a part of His plan. I got a glimpse of what is possible when you choose radical obedience. Okay, for me having 2 Chinese students stay with me off/on for 3 weeks during the Christmas holidays was radical. Not for some. Baby steps. God is a patient with me. I want more, more of Him. Truly, I could coast. I could almost be content/happy planning my kids birthday parties, house projects, doing invites, maintaining this blog, graphic design & making pretty things. But God gave me a taste of what it means to be obedient and say YES when everything in your logical mind says NO. I was able to share my heart with these girls, God allowed me to be very honest & see them with His eyes.  I don't know where they are in their thoughts about God/Jesus, & I have to be ok with us being part of the puzzle. We get to celebrate Caroline's birthday tonight. Such kind and precious girls. They are so brave to experience ALL new things...

I've been talking to a friend about being part of a ministry. I'm scared. I don't feel equipped (although, I SHOULD, because I am a Bible study queen. I cannot count how many bible study books I have on my shelf). It will be messy, and interrupt our flow. But Tim's on board & supportive. He's a good one. This ministry opportunity was not my idea, it involves teenagers & not sure if I like teenagers. With all that God has been showing me this past year, not sure how I can say no.

I've been prompted to cut back on my graphic design work and I have NEVER felt the need to do this (well, except when the babies have come). I felt like God was saying, you gotta clear your plate some to allow more room for my work. Again all these baby steps for me seem so tiny compared to others. But in this moment, in my small world/brain-they seem big.

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